As a parent I feel that one crosses many bridges. Last week I was standing at one end of a wholesale nfl jerseys new bridge and today I am on it. I am not sure if I like this bridge and writing this blog may help me find some focus to determine if I can keep crossing it. I have three sons and an absolutely fabulous husband. In my point of view we are very hands on parents. From the beginning, 15 years ago our twins were born and together we have shared every duty, except the breast feeding of course. Cut to… this year the twins became sophomores in high school and our third son entered middle school. All of which I am still having a very hard time wrapping my mind around, especially the later as he is and will always be the “baby”.
A few weeks ago I was asked by my sons if we would host an after party for Homecoming, about 80 kids! We had never hosted a party before and quite frankly our kids had not been too interested in parties so this really had never come up before. The alternative was to go to a huge “after party” with older kids at a home of which we knew nothing about and the size of the party freaked me out. My husband and I agreed and thought better to have it here. Are you crazy…80 kids!!!!
Do you remember the first high school party that you attended? The first kiss maybe? The first puff of a cigarette? First base or maybe second? Those were the questions that I had rumbling through my head days before the big event. My husband kept telling me to relax it was going to be fine.
While I day dreamed about my days back in school I was jarred into the present with lines: other parents telling me what I should watch out for and how to handle a crowd of hormonally charged teens that are way past second base and beyond the puff of a Marlboro Light. WHAT!!!! Ok, I am aware and know this is all happening in this day and age, but my husband and I planned to have everything under control. So we thought. A check list of who was invited. A few guards that would cheap mlb jerseys wander the property. We served lots of snack food, Cokes in a can (no water bottles), with warm chocolate chip cookies straight out of the oven towards the end of the night. We obviously planned to be there for the entire time with a few other parents.
Let me cut to the chase dressing or as my husband says, wrap it up. I guess when teens know there is a party they come out of the woodwork. At one point I couldn’t see our backyard. The party size increased to triple digits quickly, as did the knowledge that they were not only drinking Cokes. The girls arrived in dresses, well I am not sure if you can call them that because a dress usually has more material than a one piece bathing suit. Anyway, their legs went on for days as they Plastic wobbled in the 4 inch heels that seemed to be the uniform for all. The boys basically looked like boys, nice pants and shirts.
This is the part of the story where my dilemma on the bridge sets in. Suddenly my husband and I realize that the bedroom was locked. There were only two Exercise rooms and a hallway that was accessible in the house and the other room besides the bedroom was the one bathroom. Checklist Fumbling trying to find keys to unlock the door, my husband goes around the outside to try the window. Flings open the window and slides the curtains to find a young couple engaged in an act that was unbelievably not appropriate. Thank God he witnessed it and not me. He screamed at the horrified pair to GET OUT!
This was followed by another party goer who was not getting sick on my cookies, but tossing them. Another came in and asked me if I had a cigarette lighter to light what he had in his hand which wasn’t the cigarette that I had imagined, but a joint. Call me crazy and I do get it that kids smoke pot and that they can get it anywhere now, but I find it outrageous that there was no hesitation from him asking the parent of the house for a LIGHT!!!!
Not to mention a sex act one wall away from parents who were keeping an eye on the party goers and taking pizzas out of the oven.
It was within moments that all this happened that brought this party to a close. There wasn’t any dramatic end, as it was close to the time that it was scheduled to end anyway. The music was turned off and the flood lights were flipped on. The cookie girl was loaded into a car where the parent never even got out of the car. The kneeling pair were long gone and the boy with the joint who was taller cheap jerseys than I was, disappeared along with his pot. Our property was left pretty much unscathed, however Why what was left damaged was my perception of these young people. Thankfully my sons were so embarrassed and apologetic. They seemed very let down and disappointed and in tandem they both agreed that there will be no more parties at our house.
Out of nearly 200 kids only 2 parents came to my door. Out of 200 kids only 8 parents called to see if we were going to be home. The things we witnessed happened while we were standing right in our home with guards, no alcohol and a two hour time frame. I can only imagine what does go on when there aren’t parents home. I think about the parents who say, “well they all are going to do it anyway”. I think about all the things that they are doing at this age. I ask myself what are they going to do next year and then when they are finally in college what’s left for them to do? Where are the evaluación boundaries and the respect for others and most importantly your body, Visayas all of which should be taught by the parents? Where is the show of concern and care about where their child is going and what are they going to be doing when they get there? Do parents just give up?
Yes, they are all going to have sex at some point, they are all going to most likely drink alcohol and at some point many will try some sort of a drug. I just don’t think that now is the time. If I can teach my kids anything I (we) want them to know that they have their whole life ahead of them. That sex is a wonderful thing for two people who care about each other. That underage drinking comes with over the top problems, just like smoking no matter what you are puffing. I want them to know the fun parts, the feel good parts and the scary risky dangerous parts of growing up and doing adult things that are legal. We talk about things that can be game changers and let them know that they have two people who care about what they are doing. There is a big difference when kids know that you CARE about what they are doing opposed to only wanting to know WHAT you are doing.
After writing this I feel good about being on the bridge. I believe that things happen for a reason. We had that party here for us to see what our youth is doing. It allowed my husband and I to have open discussions with our sons about what happened. How did they feel about it? What should we have done? What shouldn’t we have done? I don’t believe in sugar coating and I certainly don’t believe in looking the other way. After this experience I know that we are right on track in our home.
When was the last time you really talked to your teen?